Adventures
in
Cake
Summoning
[Background]
[Recent Developments]
It
is
well
known
that
*things*
from
undesirable
universes
are
always
seeking
an
entrance
into
this
one,
which
is
the
psychic
equivalent
of
handy
for
the
buses
and
closer
to
the
shops.
--
Terry
Pratchett,
The
Light
Fantastic |
Before
our
ancestors
first
poked
their
brutal,
misshapen
heads
from
the
foliage
of
forests
long
gone
to
venture
out
and
build
their
first
crude
settlements
-
before
the
first
step
was
taken
on
the
pathetic
goat-track
which
we,
in
our
myopic
wisdom,
are
pleased
to
call
"human
history"
-
before
we
first
clutched
the
threadbare
rags
of
human
reason
about
us
in
an
attempt
to
shield
our
being
from
that
naked
reality
which
would
otherwise
unmake
us
in
an
instant
-
before
uncaring
Nature
first
began
to
forge
the
primaeval
fears
deep
in
our
psyche
-
before
language
-
before
mind
-
before
song
-
before
us
-
there
were
...
the
Old
Chefs.
These
creatures,
these
...
entities,
so
vast
that
our
entire
cosmos
could
contain
only
a
shadow
of
them,
engaged
in
matters
as
far
beyond
our
comprehension
as
our
highest
endeavours
are
beyond
a
...
patch
of
mildew.
Is
our
universe,
to
them,
nothing?
One
square
inch
of
land
in
some
petty
squabble,
maybe?
The
belly
of
a
gargantuan
flea
on
the
backside
of
some
celestial
mongrel,
perhaps?
Or
is
our
world,
as
hinted
by
certain
arcane
lore,
a
leaf
in
a
cosmic
cookery
book?
Are
the
Great
Pyramids
simply
a
message
reading
"this
page
intentionally
left
blank"?
Can
the
thin
veils
between
our
world
and
those
adjoining
be
pierced?
Can
we,
mere
humans,
drag
into
our
space
and
our
time,
knowledge
of
the
Food
Beyond?
Selfless
study
by
generations
scholars
of
the
occult
has
amassed
innumerable
clues:
- In
a
cave
near
Quram
in
the
14th
century
a
monk,
name
unknown,
partially
deciphers
cuneiform-like
markings
engraved
on
the
underside
of
a
primitive
pastry
board.
The
characters
hint
that
our
plane
of
existence
lies
within
the
greater
sphere
of
Desserts.
- A
noblewoman
in
Venice
in
the
late
1600's
suffers
what
a
local
priest
described
as
'a
possession',
lasting
two
days
in
which
she
alternately
chanted
and
wrote
in
ancient
tongues,
crying
out
in
agony
when
her
carers
sought
to
restrain
her.
She
recovered
completely,
but
the
manuscripts
-
the
so-called
"Codices
Marzipana"
-
were
spirited
off
to
the
Vatican,
which
continues
to
deny
their
existence.
- Burial
chambers
of
a
lost
Amazonian
civilisation
contain
what
appear
to
be
granite
carvings
of
merangues,
arranged
spatially
in
a
statistically
significant
correlation
with
the
distribution
of
certain
'non-coding'
segments
of
the
recently
decoded
human
genome.
- Jaques
Balai,
renowned
cordon
bleu,
and
his
wife
Katarine
Essuient,
emminent
materials
scientist,
disappear
in
1986
under
strange
circumstances
several
weeks
after
publishing
a
joint
paper
on
the
theoretical
and
empirical
limits
of
stability
of
chocolate
sponges.
Their
kitchen
was
completely
destroyed,
but
no
bodies
were
recovered.
People
in
the
surrounding
district
later
report
curious
lapses
of
memory
around
the
exact
period
of
the
couple's
disappearance.
Careful
research
by
the
current
authors
(who
must
remain
anonymous
for
obvious
reasons)
suggests
that
the
bulk
of
disappearences,
deaths,
unwanted
transmogrifications
and
nervous
disorders
which
accompany
experiments
in
Cross-Universal
Confectionary
Retrieval
may
be
ascribed
to
a
lack
of
safeguards
on
the
part
of
the
experimentors.
Since
our
earliest
attempts
we
have
erred
on
the
side
of
caution,
surrounding
our
apparatus
with
every
known
icon
or
symbol
of
Warding
and
Forbidding.
While
we
work,
our
assistants
constantly
chant
Aramaic
translations
of
the
local
traffic
by-laws.
If,
at
any
juncture,
a
metal
eating
utensil
must
be
inserted
into
electrical
cooking
apparatus,
said
apparatus
is
first
turned
off
AND
unplugged.
In
the
event
of
emergency,
we
have
standing
by
a
fully-trained
Acupunturist,
an
Occupational
Topologist
and
an
Apiarist
of
the
Third
Circle.
It
is
to
this
prudence
we
attribute
our
ongoing
success.
We
hope
to
present
our
most
recent
(edible)
results
in
a
public
symposium
this
weekend
27/28th
July
2001,
time
and
venue
to
be
announced.
Assuming
the
requisite
level
of
organisation
on
our
part,
you
are
invited
to
intend.
Intermediate
stages
in
some
earlier
work
may
be
viewed
here,
here
and
here.
