Microsoft
Forlorn
(see
also:
Programming
Humour) A
collection
of
humour
and
quotes
inspired
by
The
Evil
Empire
® |  | forlorn:
(a)
desperate,
hopeless,
abandoned,
forsaken,
in
pitiful
condition,
of
wretched
appearance
... --
The
Oxford
Concise
Dictionary |
Former
Microsoft
employees
on
the
streets
of
Seattle
by
Rod
Van
Mechelen
Only
Microsoft
could
come
up
with
the
following
Zen
diagnostic
message,
more
appropriate
for
a
fortune
cookie
than
a
computer:- "An
unnamed
file
contains
an
invalid
path."
For
more
windows
wisdom,
see
www.dialogboxes.com's
weird
dialogs
From
Raven's
Memorable
Quotes
from
Alt.Sysadmin.Recovery:
- I
never
really
understood
how
there
could
be
things
that
would
drive
you
insane
just
because
you
knew
them
until
I
ran
into
Windows.
--
Peter
da
Silva
- I
love
the
way
Microsoft
follows
standards.
In
much
the
same
manner
that
fish
follow
migrating
caribou.
--
Paul
Tomblin
- Never
meddle
in
the
affairs
of
NT.
It
is
slow
to
boot
and
quick
to
crash.
--
Stephen
Harris
- I
trust
Microsoft.
I
trust
them
to
be
spectacularly
unable
to
get
anything
right,
including
and
especially
hard
things
like
large-scale
industrial
espionage.
Sure,
they'll
make
clownish,
clumsy
stabs
at
it
and
fail
in
predictable,
amusing
and
embarrassing
ways,
and
then
do
it
all
over
again.
And
their
victi^H^H
users
will
not
only
forgive
them
but
spend
a
lot
of
energy
making
up
excuses
for
them.
--
henke
- ...
(Has
Microsoft
lost
its
Buddha
nature?)
--
Ingvar
Mattsson
Someone
really
ought
to
explain
to
them
that
the
Buddha
nature
consists
of
more
than
being
obese
and
just
sitting
there.
--
Anthony
DeBoer - Failure
is
not
an
option.
It
comes
bundled
with
your
Microsoft
product.
--
Ferenc
Mantfeld
- The
correct
way
to
roll
NT
out
is
out
the
door
and
into
the
nearest
Dempster
Dumpster
or
other
large
waste
receptacle.
--
Mike
Andrews
- Microsoft
is
a
cross
between
The
Borg
and
the
Ferengi.
Unfortunately
they
use
Borg
to
do
their
marketing
and
Ferengi
to
do
their
programming.
--
Simon
Slavin
- Windows
has
detected
that
a
gnat
has
farted
near
your
computer.
Press
any
key
to
reboot.
--
Simon
Oke
- NT
is
the
only
OS
that
has
caused
me
to
beat
a
piece
of
hardware
to
death
with
my
bare
hands.
--
Derry
Hamilton
- NT
is
a
one-legged
cow,
but
even
a
one
legged
cow
is
fast
when
it's
got
160+
rockets
strapped
to
it.
--
Nick
Manka
But
that's
not
that
impressive
if
all
you
can
make
it
do
is
go
around
in
circles.
--
Darrell
Fuhriman - I
must
admit
that
Micro$oft
does
seem
to
bear
an
awful
resemblance
to
the
Sirius
Cybernetic
Corporation.
Considering
that
my
attempts
at
using
Word
always
resulted
in
something
almost,
but
not
quite,
entirely
unlike
a
document.
--
Rich
Kaszeta
- I
think
the
entire
MS
Mail
thing
can
be
summed
up
as
a
large,
bloated,
beached
blue
whale
that
has
been
dead
for
a
week
and
is
now
really
stinking
up
the
entire
coast,
with
the
stench
trying
its
best
to
make
its
way
to
the
jet
stream
and
overcome
tons
and
tons
of
uninvolved,
distant
innocents
who
live
nowhere
near
anyplace
whales
go
to
die.
--
Abby
Franquemont-Guillory
- When
you
say
'I
wrote
a
program
that
crashed
Windows',
people
just
stare
at
you
blankly
and
say
'Hey,
I
got
those
with
the
system,
for
free'
--
Linus
Torvalds
- You
have
Lose95
to
thank
for
providing
the
single
message
which
strikes
the
greatest
amount
of
dread
into
any
human
heart.
Worse
than
"You
have
cancer",
worse
than
"I'm
pregnant[0]",
worse
than
"You're
going
to
need
some
root
canal
work",
even
worse
than
"This
is
Bertha,
who'll
be
administering
your
enema",
you
have
the
dreaded
"Windows
has
detected
some
new
hardware".
--
Peter
Gutmann
- Apparently
there
is
a
Moscow
->
Ulan
Bator
flight,
however
the
airport
at
Ulan
Bator
freezes
up
every
now
and
then.
--
Chris
Ebenezer
Have
they
tried
rebooting?
--
Joe
Zeff
That's
"Ulan
Bator",
not
"Microsoft
Lan
Manager"
--
Paul
Tomblin
Hey!
In
the
7
years
I
ran
LAN
Manager,
I
almost
never
had
to
reboot.
It
always
rebooted
whenever
it
wanted.
--
Carl
Schelin
...
More
quotes
from
alt.sysadmin.recovery
in
Programming
Humour
and
Computing
Quotes
[Thanks
to
Raf
for
pointing
this
one
out]
From
http://support.microsoft.com/default.aspx?scid=kb;EN-US;276304:
- Your
password
must
be
at
least
18770
characters
and
cannot
repeat
any
of
your
previous
30689
passwords.
Please
type
a
different
password.
Type
a
password
that
meets
these
requirements
in
both
text
boxes.
There's
no
such
thing
as
a
Windows
expert.
There's
only
"I
can
flail
around
in
the
dark
better
than
you
can".
--
From
A
slashdot
discussion
Links
Redmond
Roundup
(formerly
Yamoo
--
Yet
Another
anti-Microsoft
Oriented
Oracle)
is
defunct.
It
was
an
"index
of
anti-Microsoft,
anti-Gates,
anti-Wintel,
and
anti-monopoly
sites.
