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My friend Diane Barnes foolishly volunteered to type it out for me. I owe her many pizzas.
Dear Mr. Architect:
Please design and build me a house. I am not quite sure of what I need so you should use your discretion.
My house should have between two and forty-five bedrooms. Just make sure the plans are such that the bedrooms can be easily added and deleted. When bringing the blueprints to me, I will make the final decision of what I want. Also bring me the cost breakdown for each configuration so that I can arbitrarily pick one.
Keep in mind that the house I ultimately chose must cost less than the one I am currently living in. Make sure, however, that you correct all the deficiencies that exist in my current house (the floor of my kitchen vibrates when I walk across it, and the walls don't nearly have enough insulation in them).
As you design, also keep in mind that I want to keep yearly maintenance costs as low as possible. This should mean the incorporation of extra-cost features like aluminium, vinyl, or composite siding. (If you choose not to specify aluminium, be prepared to explain your decision in detail.)
Please take care that modern design practices and the latest materials are used in the construction of the house, as I want it to be a showplace for the most up-to-date ideas and methods. Be alerted, however, that the kitchen should be designed to a accommodate, among other things, my 1952 Gibson refrigerator.
To ensure that you are building the correct house for our entire family, make certain that you contact each of our children, and also our in-laws. My mother-in-law will have very strong feelings about how the house should be designed, since she visits us at least once a year. Make sure that you weigh all of these options carefully and come to the right decision. I, however, retain the right to overrule any choices that you make.
Please don't bother me with small details right now. Your job is to develop the overall plans for the house: get the big picture. At this time, for example, it is not appropriate to be choosing the colour of the carpet. However, keep in mind that my wife likes blue.
Also do not worry at this time about acquiring the resources to build the house itself. Your first priority is to develop detailed plans and specifications. Once I approve these plans, however, I would expect the house to be under roof within 48 hours.
While you are designing this house specifically for me, keep in mind that sooner of later I will have to sell it to someone else. It therefore should have appear to a wide variety of potential buyers. Please make sure before you finalise the plans that there is consensus of the population in my area that they like the features this house has.
I advise you to run up and look at my neighbours house he constructed last year. We like it a great deal. It has many features that we would also like in our new home, particularly the 75-foot swimming pool. With careful engineering, I believe that you can design this into our new house without impacting the final cost.
Please prepare a complete set of blueprints. It is not necessary at this time to do the real design since they will be used only for construction bids. Be advised, however, that you will be held accountable for any increase of construction costs as a result of later design changes.
You must be thrilled to be working on as an interesting project as this! To be able to use the latest techniques and materials and to be given such freedom in your designs is something that can t happen very often. Contact me as soon as possible with your complete ideas and plans.
PS: My wife just told me that she disagrees with many of the instructions I've given you in this letter. As the architect, it is your responsibility to resolve these differences. I have tried in the past and have been unable to accomplish this. If you can't handle this responsibility, I will have to find another architect.
PPS: Perhaps what I need is not a house at all but a travel trailer. Please advise me as soon as possible if this is the case.
Kevin
Coheen,
Associate
Professor.
Department
of
Mechanical
&
Aerospace
Engineering
Carleton
University,
Ontario,
Canada
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