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Generic Last Rites

"I see by your outfit you may be a preacher."

"Yes, I am, - of the non-theistic, non-sectarian sort." [...]

"Insofar as I may be heard by anything, which may or may not care what I say, I ask, if it matters, that you be forgiven for anything you may have done or failed to do which requires forgiveness. Conversely, if not forgiveness but something else may be required to insure any possible benefit for which you may be eligible after the destruction of your body, I ask that this, whatever it may be, be granted or withheld, as the case may be, in such a manner as to insure your receiving said benefit. I ask this in my capacity as your elected intermediary between yourself and that which may not be yourself, but which may have an interest in the matter of your receiving as much as is possible for you to receive of this thing, and which may in some way be influenced by this ceremony. Amen"

-- Roger Zelazny: Creatures of Light and Darkness

[See also: the Worshippers-'R'-Us sketch by the Frantics]

Heck is where people go who don't believe in gosh.

Conscious is when you are aware of something and conscience is when you wish you weren't.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean a mother

From The Whys of a Philosophical Scrivener by Martin Gardner:
From Blaise Pascal, Pensees [Thoughts], translated by John Warrington (Everyman's Library):

From The Artful Universe by John D. Barrow (Oxford University Press, 1995):

The human understanding is no dry light, but receives an infusion from the will and affections, whence proceed sciences which may be called 'sciences as one would'. For what man had rather were true he more readily believes. Therefore he rejects difficult things from impatience of research; sober things, because they narrow hope; the deeper things of nature, from superstition; the light of experience from arrogance and pride, lest his mind should seem occupied with things mean and transitory; things not commonly believed, out of deference to the opinion of the vulgar. Numberless are the ways, and sometimes imperceptible, in which the affections colour and infect the understanding.

-- Francis Bacon, Idols of the Tribe, from Novum Organum (1620)

From Wilfrid Hodges, An Editor Recalls Some Hopeless Papers, The Bulletic on Symbolic Logic, Vol 4, No 1, March 1998 [PostScript version available here]:

From The Book of Imaginary Beings by Jorge Luis Borges:

Life is like a bowl of soup with hairs floating on it. You have to eat it nevertheless. -- Flaubert

From Special Illumination: The Sufi Use of Humour by Indries Shah:

From Tales of the Dervishes by Idries Shah (Octagon Press, 1967):

From A Mathematician's Apology by G. H. Hardy (Cambridge University Press, Canto Edition, 1994):

From Shakespeare, The Two Gentlemen of Verona, I, i:

I rather would entreat they company
To see the wonders of the world abroad
Than, living dully sluggardiz'd at home, Wear out thy youth with shapeless idleness.

From Teri Perl, Math Equals: Biographies of Women Mathematicians (Addison Wesley, 1978):

From Laura Lee, The Pocket Encylopedia of Aggravation (Black Dog & Leventhal, 2001, ISBN 1579122175):

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